Develop a genuine interest in your partner's life
Remember, we are two separate individuals joining into one shared journey together, so we need to create a strong foundation from which to build.
We need to get clear on exactly what we want and where we are headed together to identify the shared vision for a life that you are creating together.
I believe marriage is successful when we can work as a unified team . We can't expect our partner to be ALL of the things.
And we should certainly never try to change our partners or expect them to become someone else. Instead, we need to name our strengths and weaknesses and look at where we can fill the gaps for each other.
I recommend writing this out together – naming how we each function best, our strengths and weaknesses, and then defining how we can support your partner and each other as we create our shared vision for life together.
Always ask your partner if they can listen before you start talking. Otherwise, you will violate their boundaries and risk conflict.
That will always trigger a negative emotion called anxiety, and anxiety will trigger a defense of counter-attack or avoidance, and either way, the connection is ruptured.
They may be just being themselves, and you may be responding to what you made up and attributing it to them
Replace all devaluations or put-downs with affirmations. These include appreciation, gratitude for a caring behavior, that you are together, etc.
Know what is going on in your partner's life. Sure, life is busy and gets even tougher if you raise children, but make an effort, and it will not get unnoticed.
For example, what are your partner's plans today? Are they going out for dinner with their parents?
